Are we homemakers?
What is a homemaker?
To begin, let’s first define homemaker so we are on the same page. As defined by Google and Oxford Languages, a homemaker is a person who spends their time looking after a home and doing housework rather than being employed outside the home (typically applied to a woman).
This seems like such a basic simplified version of what a homemaker actually does, and maybe that’s part of why the title can be so offensive to so many people. Most of us know in reality a homemaker does so much more than just housework. Especially when the homemaker has children.
Now, a man can absolutely be a homemaker, and I know a really good one who is in the stay-at-home Dad role at the moment. But the majority certainly does lean towards women being the homemaker.
Do we like the title ‘Homemaker?’
Lately, I have been asking friends, family, and followers on Instagram and Facebook, if they resonate with the term Homemaker. It’s very scientific and I have real actual proof, no not really, just real-life chats and Instagram polls.
It has been approximately a 30% yes rate (see, totally scientific!). And for the 70% of people who said no, it was a strong NO! Some of the comments I have had about why they don’t resonate with the term is that it is an outdated term meant for the Suzy Homemaker of the 50’s, that it just doesn’t feel right and isn’t the right word to describe what they do. Some have said that ‘Stay at home Mum’ is what they call themselves, but then others who are in that role have said they feel like that makes them sound lazy and they don’t like that term either.
What I am interested in exploring is why the word Homemaker seems to offend or belittle so many people in the modern world.
When we think of the homemaker, who do we picture? A middle-aged lady, in a dress and an apron, vacuuming the floor before her successful husband comes home from work? Does this image pop into your head because it did the first time I heard the term.
This lady has spent her day washing her family’s clothes, cleaning up the house, and preparing a delicious dinner for when the family finishes their day at school and work and can reconnect over the dinner table.
Why do we assume that this lady is sad, pining for something outside of her life, pining for more? What if she were happy in her life? Should we be asking our grandma’s and mothers, were you happy or were you helplessly repressed?
Odds are some of these women were not happy in their roles, but surely there was a percentage of these women who were fulfilled in this role and didn’t want for anything else in their lives!
It is entirely possible to be happy being the person at home running the house and being in charge of everything. Don’t get me wrong, it can be exhausting and overwhelming and aggravating doing the same things day after day (I’ve just gotten back from a long awaited weekend away alone to recharge from being that person at home). But if you choose to be at home with your kids, then why not embrace it. Why not have a positive mindset about your role in your family.
Do you want to be a homemaker?
I feel like I need a disclaimer here - I’m not talking to the Mum who has chosen to go back to work because she loves her job and she loves that outlet outside the home. You know what you want, and I applaud you for it. You do what makes you happy. I am not trying to convince someone who doesn’t want to be a homemaker that it is the best thing in the world. Nope!
I’m talking to the Mum who has chosen to stay home. I’m talking to the Mum who is torn between being home and doing the homemaker thing and feeling like she ‘should’ be doing more because everyone else around her is.
But if you want to be at home with your babies, you can make it work and you deserve to feel content in your role and your life.
These days, the cost of living can be very prohibitive in allowing Mums to stay home (or Dads for that matter). Kids are expensive, life is expensive. The cost of living is just skyrocketing at the moment. Not only do we have interest rates increasing every month for the last 7 months, but the price of our grocery shop also goes up every time you go to the shops.
(Fun fact - one of the jars of spread we used to buy for toast has gone from $3.20 to $5.50 in the last 3 months.)
It’s only recent that I’ve learnt to be content and happy in my role as Mum at home and can proudly say ‘No I’m not working at the moment, I’m home with the kids.’ And it does take constant reminding myself that it’s ok to be proud to be a homemaker. (Of course, technically this blog and my crochet business is work - but that is all on my terms!)
A few months ago my husband said something to me that he has said time and time before, but this time it hit different and really made an impact on me. He said that he can’t do what he does and provide financially for our family, without me being home doing my part, doing all the things at home for us and the kids and that is priceless to him. Him knowing that I’m at home taking care of everything, lets him focus on his job, and he climbs powerlines for a living, the man needs to focus!
But for whatever reason, I finally saw the value in what I do. I finally saw that what I do is valuable to my family and it took years for me to see that. I have been a stay-at-home Mum for nearly 10 years and it’s only in the last year that I have really embraced my role as the stay-at-home parent and been intentional about finding the joy in it. I’ve always felt resentful that I didn’t get to go and be the one responsible for providing financially. I always felt stuck and lesser for being the one at home doing the laundry and the dishes and vacuuming the floor all while listening to the Wiggles and Baby Shark on repeat.
Now that my husbands advice has sunk in, I know it takes guts to be in this role and to truly embrace it. It takes resilience and grit and strength to do these things day after day and not go insane. It takes strength to take pride in preparing dinner for multiple people with different tastes and to do it again the next day and the next day, especially when fussy kids make it difficult to be proud of that meal that might have been delicious but was the wrong kind of chicken.
It takes creativity to be able to save money on the grocery shop and to still be able to feed your whole family a healthy diet. It takes patience and strength to learn new skills in the kitchen that help fill the kids lunchboxes without breaking the bank. (Hint, packaged snacks are bloody expensive!)
I try and remind myself most days, that I am the thermostat for our home. If I wake up and start the day out cranky, chances are the kids and my husband are going to be on edge as well. But if I work at keeping a positive and calm mindset, and believe me some days it is work, then it is easier for the family to follow suit. This isn’t true 100% of the time, but it certainly helps!
So are we, modern-day stay at home Mums, Homemakers?
I only became aware of the term homemaker in the last few years as it isn’t that common in the Australian vernacular. It seems to be a common term in America and Canada, but it doesn’t get used much in Australia. There is a series of shopping complexes in my state called the Homemaker Centre, so maybe that has somewhat neutralized the term in Australia and taken the shine off it.
Maybe we need a new up-to-date, non-offensive name that encompasses all that we are. Maybe the Homemaker needs a rebrand? Lol.
Personally I like the term homemaker. It feel like it implies that I turn our house into a home and yes that does incorporate lots of different and sometimes mundane tasks and duties, but the variety keeps life interesting and let’s me be creative in my day to day life.
I’d love to know, how do you feel about the term homemaker? Or what do you call yourself that feels right?
Whatever you call yourself, I encourage you to own it. Be proud of it. Embrace it and make the most of the years that you get to play that role. Your role will shift and change and in time it will be completely different. For myself, I don’t want to look back on my homemaker years and wish I hadn’t spent it resenting cooking dinner every night and wishing I could be somewhere else, because when my babies eventually have babies, I don’t want to be wishing I had my time over again.
Happy homemaking friends!